As many spiritual people, you might have gotten caught in a vicious circle “forgiveness is good, intolerance is bad” kind of trap.
I had a very similar experience with someone very close to me. Our relationship was just not working. I disapproved of so many things this person did and I turned myself almost crazy because I really wanted to have it work.
But it just didn’t. I tried to forgive and forgive times again to the point where I just gave up and decided, I cannot tolerate this kind of disrespectful behaviour from anyone who is close in my circles.
To not to make it a mystery, it was my father. When he got upset he could be verbally abusive to the point where nobody should get. Full stop. That’s my strong believe.
Once I understood that no matter how many times I can forgive, I am not able to tolerate verbal attacks from anyone. That’s one of my deep values. I am not doing it to anyone, so why should I go with it when someone else does that.
And it brought me so much freedom to understand that no matter what, I cannot change someone. But that doesn’t mean that I have to be around this kind of person.
So I lost friends who behaved shitty, and I FINALLY feel good about that.
My father doesn’t talk to me even though we see each other often, AND THAT IS OK WITH ME, too.
I no longer try to have working relationships with everyone. With some people it’s just not possible at the moment.
I am not saying that cannot change in the future but for now, I AM NOT TOLLERATING SHIT from people.
I politely ask them to not do that to me since it’s hurtful.
If they get upset (which they mostly get), it’s their choice.
I do not need to lower my standards just because someone else’s standards are low. Or because they are not able to change themselves. Or because they are incapable of seeing what they’re causing.
I accept that. I accept myself as an intolerant person in these circumstances.
And that brings me FREEDOM.
And I am choosing to walk away from people and situations which are harmful for me.
And I became OK with people being angry with me for that and not liking me.
What I am no longer doing though is walking on egg shells around those people just so they do not get upset.
A good sign, that you are tolerating something you shouldn’t is when you feel scared around certain people.
Is there anyone in your life you are afraid of or their reactions, anger, or behaviour????
I’s a sign that this relationship is not based on mutual respect and love……
So why would you tolerate a relationship like this in your life????
You deserve better.
Respect, love and nourishment. Just because you did not receive it till now that does not mean that you are not worthy of all those things.
What would you do if you completely valued and respected yourself????
If you have troubles figuring that out, let me help you.
With Love, Andre xoxo
