Since I was a little child I was always looking for one thing only.
Freedom. I yearned to feel free, unconstrained, happy and full of self-expression.
But many times I could not feel that because fear creeped in so much and anxiety was my usual companion.
I remember the moment when one day I came back from school with a bad mark from my test and was trembling with fear because I knew my mum would get upset.
I cried and got myself sick. I vomited and went to bed with a migraine. I felt like dying and though, I do not want to tell my mum about that horrible mark.
I would do anything to avoid bringing the bad news to her.
I was shaking on the inside, feeling completely exposed and in danger.
I did not want to be punished.
Since then I had migraines and sickness every week, on Mondays when I came back from school.
Years past and I always avoided situations when I would get exposed, vulnerable and at danger that someone might hurt me, emotionally.
I closed down.
I did not allow my own feelings to flow through me.
I did not allow myself to be fully me because that can be dangerous.
My regular migraines effectively protected me from unpleasant encounters.
But the time came to heal them.
Only when I understood that my fear was the cause underneath I was able to say “thank you” to my headaches and release them with love.
Today, I understand that welcoming fear into my life like a long lost daughter brings freedom.
Freedom which I would never have if I did not look my fears, anxieties into eye and said “I see you, I feel you”. I acknowledge you for the protection you give me. But it’s not needed any more.
I can protect myself. And I am willing to experience it all.
I am no longer avoiding the unpleasant moments and feelings.
I no longer stay away from saying what I want to say (or do).
And in this I FEEL the REAL FREEDOM.
To conquer your fears you first need to get grounded. Use any method or practice which helps you with that. Yoga, meditation, visualisation, guided day dreaming, dance, running or any physical activity. Once you are in your body, realise that you are safe, and that nothing dangerous is happening. use mantra “this is not real” and breath on count of 4 or 6. Long, steady deep inhales and exhales will bring you to a peaceful, more relaxed state where you can allow your thoughts to get sorted.
And as usual, positive affirmatios will help to induce positivity and bring light from your inside to the surface.
With Love, Andrea
